“Hello…I’d like to unsubscribe from my anxious mind…”
Our brains instinctively try and keep us alive, similar to other organs in our body, so caring about our well-being is instinctual and our brains are super proactive in meeting that need. Our base desire to stay alive triggers our fight or flight - a human response that manifests as anxiety. Staying alive begins with basic safety, so it is human instinct to want to keep ourselves safe. What it means to be 'safe' differs for each of us depending on what we’ve experienced. Similarly, what feels unsafe depends on what we have felt threatened by in the past.
The fight or flight response communicates to us through our mind and body. For example, when we are anxious we may hear worried or catastrophic thoughts that often sound like warnings of dangerous outcomes and/ or feel physically anxious which may feel like a weight on our chest, nausea, or a fast heartbeat to name a few. Anxiety prompts action, anything that may minimise, avoid or remove the threat that’s triggered. So of course it's human to want to act quickly in response to anxiety. The actions we choose, are influenced by; what actions have kept us safe in the past, what emotions we are feeling in conjunction with anxiety in the moment, the severity of the threat, our access to support and our awareness and ability to understand and engage with our emotion in the moment.
We all experience anxiety at different levels for different reasons, and, we all deserve access to action that will increase rather than decrease our well-being. In order to access helpful action during a moment of anxiety we need to be able to recognise what triggered our anxiety. Understanding why your triggers are triggers helps you understand your initial response to the trigger without judgment for example I know I'm triggered by commitment to literally anything because I have felt trapped by obligation to experiences and people in the past so it makes sense that I would avoid (action) commitment because feeling trapped in my own life is a huge fear of mine. When we approach ourselves judgment-free our anxiety in the moment may feel lighter because it isn't accompanied by shame - navigating anxiety is one thing, navigating shame for feeling anxious is a whole other task and may perpetuate the cycle of anxiety in the moment-. Although there are some responses to anxiety that may seem very obviously unhelpful, in the end, you're the only one who can decide what’s helpful, and what those actions are will likely grow and change with you and your life. If you're feeling unsure of what is helpful it may be good to reflect on how you respond to anxiety by asking "did this response contribute to or take from my overall well-being? How so?", take your time and go from there.
We deserve to feel and be safe. So, rather that fighting our worries and shaming ourselves we can learn (at our own speed and in our own way), loving and helpful ways to respond to anxiety;
We can respect and love our minds for their intentions to care for us
We can recognise when our thoughts are unhelpful and learn how best we can hold space for the thoughts without fusing to them and letting them dictate our actions and choices (explanation on thought diffusion- what it is and how to do it to come).
We can reflect on where our trigger comes from (why am I worrying about this? Have I had to worry about this in the past?) and what need am I trying to meet? (can be helpful to think about the first time you were experiencing similar worries and what need wasn’t being met at the time).
Then, slowly and with compassion explore and create alternative ways to meet that need.
For example - one of my frequent triggers is a change in mood or behaviour of someone I love. The anxious thought that accompanies that trigger is often "*fellow human* is angry with me”. I know that comes from past experiences of regularly irritating people I love by accident and that emotion having scary consequences as a kid. So I know my brain is trying to predict abandonment, rejection or confronting behaviour of some kind. With time I have tried to create and action more helpful ways to meet my needs to feel unconditionally loved and safe in relationships by gently and clearly asking for validation from the person who unintentionally triggered me (pretty much by existing) and/ or practicing positive self-talk and diffusion from negative self-talk… also therapy lots of therapy, time and support.
By practicing helpful responses to my overwhelming emotions I’ve created a support network of people from a loving community who are vocal about their love for me. With these unprompted words of affirmation and verbal reassurance I have less opportunity to even be triggered. The best part, when I am, I can handle it… most of the time.
If you reflect now and think, "damn I really am self-sabotaging when I'm anxious" that’s completely human, and there's no point shaming yourself for working with what you know. Plus, you are absolutely capable of adjusting your responses to actions that align with your values as you grow and learn about yourself.
My point, feeling worried and behaving to protect yourself is simply human. It says a lot about your primal desire for living. So, why try and force your brain to act against its instincts and then be cruel to yourself when you feel anxious anyway.
Wasting time worrying over what doesn’t exist in your present takes away from the pleasures in your present… you are going to feel heavy emotions and have painful experiences because that’s life. So when that stuff isn't happening in your reality why create it in your mind. Personally, I can’t be bothered with my worries anymore, I’m here for a good time and I'm devoted to my peace