If you’re in control of your choices, you’re in control of your life.
Life often seems to be wildly out of our control, nothing goes right and we're living stuck, trapped in obligation, making choices to try and avoid shitty outcomes and hoping for some dumb luck to save the day. Personally, the idea of being trapped in my own life terrifies me. I don't like making choices out of obligation, rather I want to make choices because I see the value in doing so even if it's boring. Obviously we can't control everything that we experience since those experiences are often (in my experience) consequences of someone else's choices. However, we do have control over our choices so let's claim that and align them with what we value and aim those choices towards our goals to build a life that suits us, feeds us love and replenishes our energy. Before you make a choice ask yourself "is this aligned with my values" or "will this choice lead me towards my goal?". Your values will change depending on your current context, what you care about and what you're focusing on.
Discovering your values can be tricky, and at times confronting if your behaviour hasn’t been values aligned, and this is okay. Why? Because you're human, you're allowed to do what feels easy, normal, comforting, relieving, and when you're ready change this, you can. The sooner the better and you will know when the time is right.
To discover your values it may be helpful to take a moment and ask yourself questions that sound like the following;
"What matters to me right now?"
"What do I want from life?"
"If I could paint a perfect picture of my life right now what would it look like?"
Observe this thought without shame or judgement, be kind and hold space for yourself as the picture develops.
You got it? Good.
Okay, how can you make this possible? Now this part, for me at least, is exhausting. Reality includes curve balls, obstacles and barriers between us and our most empowering lives. Surviving is tough and thriving seems next to impossible a lot of the time. But you’re here, reading this blog, listening to the sound of your voice in your mind reading my words. So, observably, you've survived before and you are surviving now, the next step is choosing to thrive and truly believing you can.
The process of acknowledging barriers between you and where you want to be keeps your dream in reality and the choice to overcome mine (one of the many times) has gone something like this;
My number one reason why I can't thrive right now is because I damn sure don’t have the energy, so how can I replenish my energy? What do I need to allow myself rest? Shit, I am too busy to rest, I'm too overwhelmed and overworked to care for myself. Phewf, deep breath, what can I take off my plate? (Usually there's something but at times there hasn’t been). Where's the light at the end of the tunnel? Is there a time soon where I can choose rest? There's been times its felt never ending the questions have been; "Is this lifestyle sustainable?" If not, "how can I change this?". Regardless of where this string of questions has lead you, the first change can be your easiest. It can sound like - eat one piece of fruit a day, dedicate one minute of your morning to stretching your body. Look up that hobby you have been thinking about, message that friend who's been on your mind.
There's no place too far from where you want to be to begin making choices that align with your values, and taste a little nicer in the long run. This is your journey and there's no set speed to travel it. Peel off the layers, slowly, but surely, and with patience for yourself and compassion for your human limits.
Creating a life style that is aligned with your values isn't done overnight. It's a slow holistic process, a multitude of choices, the bigger the choice the bigger the leap towards your values and goals while the small choices like should I bother with breakfast today, create a consistent flow of healing energy towards a life that feeds you love.
No final destination and no self-actualisation. Your goals changing as you reach them or change your mind, your values changing as your desirers shift and you experience and growth. Thank goodness.
We cannot fail at life, and we can consciously make our present a dream.
If you're in control of your choices, you're in control of your life.